In many ways, it’s a lot easier than I thought it would be (and would be much easier, really, if we were only in our OWN home with our own belongings around us) but in many ways it’s a lot harder than I expected as well. I thought I’d break it down, list style, for my records.
Ways it’s a hell of a lot harder:
- Mornings consist of my choice between getting clean (aka: showering) or sucking up every last minute of precious sleep (aka: sanity). I choose sleep, as I’m already a grizzly, growling mama bear all day as it is so I need all the sleep…errr…. Patience… I can get. I wake up when the boys wake up. Then I juggle between changing both their diapers and getting both of them fed at the same time, as well as entertaining Porter. All the while I feel like a stinky, grungy, greasy mess. I could wake up earlier than the boys, shower and be ready to greet them for the day but then I’m not sure how sunny I’d be later in the morning with only a few hours of sleep.
- I have zero tolerance for any of Porter’s typical 2-year-old antics. I’ve turned into one of those parents that expects perfection from my child when, in all reality, its more than what I should expect for their age.
- I feel a load of guilt everyday because I feel torn between spending quality time with Porter, taking care of Hudson and getting enough (hell… getting ANY) “me” time during the day.
- I feel like Hudson is growing up way too fast and that is sad… its hard to feel like I just want the day over and done with but at the same time I want to freeze time.
- Getting out of the house takes SOO much longer. I’m sure it’ll get easier as Hudson gets a little older and needs less crap, but at the moment I feel like I need to pack everything and the kitchen sink to get out the door.
- I feel like all I do is change diapers, clean bottles, feed kids and yell. The days seem monotonous sometimes. And often quite lonely.
Ways its so worth it, and easier than I thought:
- Taking 2 kids places is just as easy as I’d imagined. Minus all the crap I have to pack/lug around… I don’t hesitate to take them anywhere. I’m not nervous to get out and about and honestly I wish I lived closer to friends/town so I could get out more without spending an arm and a leg on gas. I’m not the type of mom to freak out about getting out of the house, regardless of how many kids I have.
- Juggling the two of them isn’t terrible… although I feel like I’m always shortchanging someone (usually Porter), I don’t feel too frantic that often. Things always seem to fall into place and the two of them get their needs met.
- The way my heart just expanded, making room for both of them… making enough love for both of my little guys. I was nervous that I wouldn’t- couldn’t- love Hudson as much as Porter. It did take a day or so for it to sink in that Hudson was really ours, but amazingly I love him so much its impossible to describe. He just fits right in with our family like he’s been here forever.
- Bouncing back after delivery… so much easier this time around! With Porter it seemed like about a 4 or 5 weeks before I felt somewhat normal… this time it was more like 2.5 weeks. (mind you... I'm not talking about baby weight here... I still have that to lose LOL!)
- Just to watch Porter with Hudson… it makes it all worth it. To hear him ask “Where’s Hudson at?” when he isn’t sure of his exact location. The way he nuzzles up in his cheek and talks baby talk to him. The way he calls him his pet name “Bessie” (yes… he calls him “Hudson Bessie” or “Messy Bessie”… I have no clue where it came from). The way he tells everyone “That’s my baby brother. That’s my Hudson.” I couldn’t have asked for a better big brother for Hudson. Porter absolutely adores him.