Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Never a frickin dull day.

I have to blog, I have to do something or I'll seriously lose my mind. I've contemplated just leaving these kids in my house and going oh hell, who knows where, but I haven't showered today and I guess even if I had it probably would be frowned upon to leave your two toddlers home alone.

Porter is on my last nerve today. Actually, I'd say he's hopped on that last nerve, took it for a wild 3am spin around the block and ended up in Vegas with a bar full of strippers on crack. He's into EVERYTHING today.

Let me give you a recap (some things have been said, some just thought, some well... thought out loud)

  • "Porter, no you can not have hot fudge for breakfast. No gummies either. Or popsicles."
  • "Porter, STOP jumping over your brother like a track hurdle! Someone is going to get hurt!!"
  • "WHY did you unroll all the toilet paper? It costs money and I don't have money to go through toilet paper as if we've been teepeeing our neighors nightly. If you keep doing this, you're going to have to sell some of your toys to pay for toilet paper."
  • "Did you SERIOUSLY dig up the fucking plants I just spent 6 hours planting yesterday? WHERE THE HELL ARE MY PLANTS?! JESUS CHRIST of all things holy!!!!!!"
  • "Holy shit, is that the tub of butter under the coffee table? Jesus H, he stirred it with a spoon."
  • "Porter, don't push your brother so fast in the car! STOP HIM! Don't let him roll away!"
  • "STOP! You're dragging his feet on the concrete!"
  • Ugh he's running around upstairs instead of napping.
  • "Porter, get in bed."
  • "Porter, get in BED!"
  • "WHAT THE HELL! Why is my face powder all over the bathroom! GET IN BED NOW BEFORE I BEAT YOUR BUTT!!!"
  • Where the hell is Porter.... is he outside? Is he sleeping in his closet? is he under the guest bed? In my closet? FUCK he's in Hudson's room... and Hudson is awake.
  • That's it, I'm doing it. I'm taping him in bed. This painter's tape will work, I suppose.
  • "Nope, I guess you'll have to pee your bed. If you can't stay in bed yourself, I'll make you stay in bed."
Let me tell you.... I've lost it today. What the fuck.


  1. Just laughed so hard I cried....... OMG..... thank you for sharing this. :-)))))))) We all have those days and I love to konw I'm not the worst mom in the world cuz I totally say shit like this...............

  2. Dude . . . I knew there was a very good reason for liking you! My shit has been lost for almost two days now, and I am fairly certain that Briar's first word is going to be the f-bomb. Thank goodness it has been hot enough to close-up the house and turn on the AC so my neighbors don't have to listen to my yelling (though it would be nice if someone was listening!)

  3. You crack my shit up:)!! It's just nice to know that I am not alone. My 3 DD are all older now but there were these days. I remember one time my middle daughter was with me after school and said something sassy so I grabbed her arm and told her to watch her mouth. She then proceeded to yell loudly(in my classroom!), "Stop pinching me, why are you always hurting me?" and I did the very quiet gritting my teeth voice and told her to knock it off. After telling my husband about it he said I should've given her something to cry about if she's going to act like that. No, honestly, we do NOT hurt our kids but there are days when they push you to the brink and swearing is mandatory;)!Seriously, get some of this down to share when he has kids!

  4. BWAAAHAAAAA! i just DIED laughing. i give you props for being able to blog that, i would have been laying on the floor after i knocked myself out from beating my head against wall! LOL!

  5. Laughing out loud..........only because I CAN RELATE! And yes I have lost it along time ago. Just when you think that has to be it...the little shits go and pull a doozy. I would have been yelling like a mad women...I STILL throw out the fingheimer evey now and again and my girls are 9 and 6!

  6. haha :) On days like that seriously sometimes I just CRY!!! And then I feel like such a loser because I only have one kid and she can drive me CRAZY! But yeah... those kiddos are busy and naughty!!!!!!!!!!

  7. HAHAHA....its great you wrote all of that down, it cracked me up, even though it was a stressful day for you.

  8. Oh my god, you crack me up! I think I just decided I never ever want to have kids!