Sunday, September 27, 2009

Such is life

This past week has been kind of a cranky week. I have been forgetting to take my meds so I think that's a lot of the issue. I've just been down in the dumps... feeling fat, broke and stressed out.

I seriously need to get in shape quick. I've been lazy all summer and my pants are all sooooo tight. Ugh. Weight is such a stupid thing. And especially during "the child bearing years" I guess I'll call it. Its like... Get pregnant, gain weight, have baby, spend a year losing the weight, spend a year or two 'maintaining' the weight only to get pregnant again and gain more weight, have another baby, spend another year losing weight, another year or two 'maintaining' the weight only to get pregnant again!

No, I'm not on that final third pregnancy... but I'm currently on Month 16 of attempting (or not) to lose the weight from the 2nd pregnancy. UGH. And it seems like such a waste of time because who knows... we may try to get pregnant again next year. And then it'll be all downhill from there... again.

And broke... oh the 'not having a job over the summer' has finally caught up with us. It was nice sooo nice to finally get my first paycheck since June on Friday. The bills are piling up. This stress will hopefully be alleviated soon once I start getting my regular paychecks.

Stress... well, that's nothing new. I'm always stressed. There's always too much to do and not enough time. Last weekend we spent a lot of our time at home CLEANING and ORGANIZING this trashed out house. And all week I've tried sooo hard to keep it clean but I've come to the conclusion that its not the 2 kids I'm living with that inhibit me from keeping a clean house. No, its the husband. I hate hate hate it when he doesn't pull his part in picking up. Like, after dinner he'll leave Hudson's seat and tray and the floor a mess. And he goes to bed without taking 10 flipping minutes to pick up a few things around the house and put the dishes in the dishwasher (you know, because laundry is my job and dishes are his). UGHHH.

And then I always seem to find these blogs of people passing away.... and they hit so close to home. I recently came across this blog (after finding one about Sara, a new mom who found out she was pregnant shortly after she found out she had breast cancer, who passed away just weeks after her sweet baby girl was born)... Cari was a mom of three who blogged prior to getting diagnosed with breast cancer. And she just passed away a few days ago. She was only 34. It freaks me the hell out. Cancer seems to run rampant in my family and, as I've mentioned before, I have always nonchalantly joked about the high possibility of me getting cancer in this lifetime. Its so prevalent in my family. And it scares the hell out of me. Last week Hudson had three nosebleeds. And I wanted to rush him to the doctor to make sure he didn't have some sort of brain tumor. I read about these moms leaving their young children, victims to breast cancer, and I want to make weekly appointments to have my body scanned for cancer cells. It just scares the hell out of me.

How's that for an enlightening post this weekend? UGH. Its just on my mind.

I supposes all I can do is take hold of every moment I get with my sweet little boys. Lord knows your future can change in a split second.


  1. Wow, i could of written most of that post myself! i can absolutely relate to how your to feeling.
    i'm always naive enough to think that when i spend alot of time to clean and organize the house that it will stay that way...wrong!
    my husband doesn't help pick up or anything, pretty much at all...and does the same thing, gets babies out of highchairs and leaves the mess, gives them baths or changes diapers and leaves the mess. and on top of it, he leaves his crap laying wherever there is a flat surface! so frustrating!! i do expect to do the bulk of it since i stay home, but dang, a little help here and there would be great!
    i also worry nonstop about something happening and sometimes become consumed with it. maybe it's a mom thing?

  2. I could have written this post myself. Cancer scares the hell out of me too, especially breast cancer. Both my grandmothers had it and my mom's mom had 6 sisters...all but one who had it and my great grandmothers died from it, so yeah I totally get ya there. I had to stop reading blogs a long time ago about such things because they scared me too much and I hate living scared. You know? Especially with little ones to take care of. I'm glad I'm not the only one who worries about it so much though.