Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Where is the fast-forward button?

I'm pretty much a walking contradiction.

In one sentence I'm complaining about how fast time goes by, how quickly my kids are growing up and how I want to just freeze life to enjoy it a bit more.

Today, however, I'm on the flip side of the coin. Its like this week woke up on the wrong side of the bed and forgot to start over the next morning. I feel jam packed with to do to do to do and I feel like I'm short on time with my kids but when I am with my kids I don't want to be.

Monday was P's first day of preschool. Not a super busy day, but after I picked the boys up I met my sister to look at a house she is trying to buy. And then we ran to Target. By the time we got home it was 6pm and dinnertime then bath and bed. I felt like I barely saw the boys. I was exhausted so I ended up falling asleep with Porter.

Today for some reason I was tired all day. All I could think about was coming home and sleeping. I'm "on call" for a birth session.... my friend Carrie was induced this afternoon and I'm photographing the birth (I'm LOVING these birth sessions! Now if I could only make births a bit more predictable??).

I got home and Porter hadn't napped. Not usually a big deal but for some reason tonight he was a mess. Within an hour he managed to lose his bike privileges for driving his bike into Hudson's car he was pushing.

And then when I thought he was being a good big brother and pushing Hudson in the swing I walk over to find Hudson covered in dirt. COVERED. I thought he had just wiped his hands on his face, since he'd been in the sandbox and all over the yard but then I CAUGHT Porter THROWING a handful of dirt in Hudson's face and then laughing about it. I flipped out and went and grabbed a handful of dirt and chucked it at Porter's face. Parent of the Year moment right there, huh?

They continued to cry and whine and throw tantrums about everything and anything they could. I had set up my new "free from the side of the road" lounge chairs in the shade of a beach umbrella and had hoped to relax and have a rest while the boys played. Not so much. I ended up spending my time staring at the two maniacs and wondering "Why is it when I'm at work I wish I was home with my boys, but when I'm home with my boys I wish I was at work?"

I hate feeling like that. I hate not enjoying the time I have with the boys. I hate being gone all day and then having a short few hours in the evening to run errands, make dinner, clean up and straighten the house all while spending as much precious time with my kids as possible. And when they're whiny, it makes me feel all the more guilty for working because I'm not enjoying the little time I have with them.

Who knows when I'll be called by Carrie to come in... I'm planning on heading to the hospital when she's 5-7 centimeters. Hopefully I'll get to rest sometime tonight. And then I have a meeting in the morning to get registered to sub... HOW DUMB..... I have my teaching certificate yet I have to register and apply to sub. HAHA! And after work I have a maternity session so my evening will be even shorter with the boys.

I just want to fast forward through this week and have it be Thursday night already. Just this week, please?


  1. Seriously Nicole, I truly love your honesty. The dirt thing totally sounds like something I'd do. An eye for an eye, right? Anyway, hang in there. My guess is it won't get any better, but you'll just be used to it again!

  2. Keep in mind that you're each still transitioning into this new schedule again. And if you don't make dinner, so what?! If you eat cheese, crackers and applesauce for dinner, so what?! Everyone's still fed, right?

    Don't be so hard on yourself. You're allowed to have dirty kids, a messy house, and be exhausted. And if anyone were to judge you for that, they haven't been in your shoes. It's okay. Life still goes on and you'll get to it when you get to it. (You know what, we've been without white milk for 3 days and everyone's still alive. ;))

    I would have done the same thing with the sand. Seems to be the only way to teach them an instant lesson anymore. Every kid is different and some only respond to tactics such as that.

    Hang in there!!

  3. You just explained a day-in-my-life moment!! EXACTLY.....I think every mom can relate to everything you said! Never enough time for everything that needs to get done. But I have to stop and realize I am only 1 person and I can not do it all. And I notice that I am more and more tired as September rolls in and it gets darker sooner.

  4. Why do you need to get registered to sub when you already have a contract teaching position?? That makes no sense!!

  5. Something in the universe must be out of alignment. EVERYONE I know/have talked to has been having an "off" week - it's really starting to get crazy. We dealt with nonstop screaming tantrums from Tiegan last night too, and she peed on our bedroom floor in the middle of the night... wtf?
    Anyway - I hope Wednesday means you're over the slump and things are starting to look better!