Sunday, March 6, 2011

Baby Talk

This weekend I've had babies on my mind.  And probably not the way you THINK I'd have babies on my mind.  Ryan's cousin had a baby shower on Saturday and today I had a newborn session.  Oddly, through this all I barely feel a tinge of the ol' Baby Fever.  I thought for sure by now, with Porter turning 5 and Hudson almost 3, that I'd be itching for another baby asap.  Not so.  And its kind of scaring me!  We've always wanted and talked about having 3 kids.  And I still DO want 3 kids.  And I don't want them to be super far apart in age (which means, ahem, HELLO get moving!).  However.... the thought of being pregnant and then having a needy infant just does not seem so appealing to me right now!  Getting fat, having boobs the size of watermelons, trying to lose MORE weight, sleepless nights, divvying up time between 3 kids, dealing with toddler tantrums on top of a newborn... EHHHHH.  

Am I crazy?  What is wrong with me?  I wish we had the money and could just adopt because at this point I think I'd do it in a heartbeat.  However, that's not the case and unless we win the lottery or some long lost great uncle passes away and leaves us his fortune we aren't financially able to fork out $30k for adoption.   I know I (well, WE... because Ryan has been wanting another baby since Hudson turned 1!) want another child but I just am not so thrilled with the whole process.  In a sense I think maybe we should just jump the gun and get it over with so I can get back on Weight Watchers, get pregnancy over, get my body and life back to myself and then we'd have our family complete.  Ta-da!  

Another thing I'm worried about is my job... I'm hoping hoping hoping to be full time this fall, I'm THINKING there is going to be a couple positions available in my building and HOPING that I can snag one of them up.  Which would be wonderful!  However, I'm worried that if I'm pregnant when they interview that I'll be less likely to get the job because I'd need to take a maternity leave during the year.   Maybe this is something I should talk to my boss about?  Not that I have any guarantee of getting hired full time (good GOD its about time though!!!), but at least I could be reassured, or given the heads up, if a maternity leave could hinder my getting a position?  

Auuuugh.  I almost wish we'd just decided to have another baby last summer/fall and gotten it over with so we could get on with our little family.  I know that sounds awful to think of another child's impending arrival as "hurry up and get it over with"... but I don't really LOVE being pregnant and I feel I'm slipping into this selfish stage of life where I'm slowly losing interest in the sweetness of an infant. Although that stage is so quick, I just worry if we wait too much longer I'll nix the entire idea completely and in 5 or 10 years I don't want to regret never adding that 3rd child to our family. I don't feel our family is complete at this time, but I just am not sure when the RIGHT time is to complete it?

Anyone else been in this position?  Had these thoughts?  This is so weird to me because my whole reasoning for spacing out Child #2 and Child #3 was so that I avoided having annual Baby Fever... I wanted to wait until I really really really really wanted a 3rd child and could really cherish and enjoy that baby stage.  Now I feel like I've waited too long and the excitement of it is long past.  


  1. I know we've talked about this before, but just wanted to reiterate... adoption doesn't have to cost 30K... yes, if you're set on an international adoption it'll be spendier... but you can adopt domestically for way less; as little as 12K or even free if you go through the state. Lord knows there are plenty of babies here that need good families. And no matter the route you take, there is TONS of financial assistance for adoption; everything from grants and interest free loans to the tax credits. It's expensive because they need families to be serious and committed to doing it, but there are plenty of ways to make it feasable for a regular income family. I mean, look at Katie Mohr... they're pulling it all together in less than four months!!

    Anyway. All that to say, I am so with you on the baby thing... I wish I could just "poof" a baby here... I so cannot do a pregnant Heather again. I just can't put my family through that especially knowing there are so many kids that need families to love them... and where someone else has already done the hardest part for me... carrying and delivering the baby!

  2. It makes me sad a lot that I have no desire to have another one. We planned three, we both want three, at this point I just don't have any desire to start all over again. Pregnancy wasn't so bad for me but the newborn days when I'm not getting any sleep and have the other two needing attention really scares me. My two fight ALL of the time, how could I possibly handle MORE fighting? I would be INSANE. I am insane. I would be MORE insane. I keep thinking that maybe someday I will have a change of heart and will have another one but someday is slowly turning to never. And I doubt that I'll ever be totally okay with that.

  3. Here are some thoughts:
    Having Jake and Tyler 2 1/2 years apart, I never really got the baby fever, it was more like "must have a sibling close in age" fever. With Collin, I'm sooo glad I waited until Tyler was almost 4 before he was born. I'm not so overwhelmed, I feel like I got a lot of one-on-one time with each of the boys before Collin was born. I never really got baby fever with Collin, it was more like "let's try for a girl" fever. And if you wait for the "right" time, it will never happen. There is no right time. We were in the worse financial situation we had ever been in when I got pregnant with Collin. Things somehow worked themselves out, and now we are doing great. Having #3 so far behind made me appreciate the baby stage, rather than feel like I just got through it and have to do it all over again like it was with Jake and Ty. So my advice? Get drunk after Hudson turns three and just go for it!