Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Private Post: Terrified of Real Human Emotion

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  1. I hear you, girl, on all fronts. I don't know if it is the time of year or what but I have really struggled lately. My daughter looks at me with fear when she's doing something she knows she shouldn't be because she she's scared of the yelling that is going to come out of my mouth. Nothing makes me feel like more of a failure than when she says "Momma, I don't like it when you talk to me like tht." Granted, she probably deserved it but not a day goes by that I don't wish I could keep my mouth shut once in a while. I have to take mommy time-outs regularily just to survive. Being a mom is hard. Being a mom in these times when moms are expected to bear half of the financial burden in a two income family as well as take care of the kids and document their lives and cook and clean is REALLY hard. I am right on the verge of getting laid off too so I know how scary that can be. We'll have to sell our house and change our lives dramatically if I do but you know what? Whatever. Maybe a change will bring something good, something better. Maybe we won't have designer clothes or a huge house but maybe we'll be happier. Maybe I'll spend more time with my kids that isn't trying to juggle 4000 things at the sam time. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

    Hang in there and know you aren't alone.

  2. I could have written this myself!! I feel all your pains ALL of them. I am on the generic Celexa and have been for many years...I am too afraid to go off of them. I helps be balance life/work/kids/cleaning etc. EVERYTHING you and your therapist have talked about fits "ME" to a tee. Please keep sharing your info, it is helping more people than you know. Keep moving forward.

  3. Hi Nicole,

    Thanks for being so open and honest. You are not alone with anything you posted. From the guilt you feel to your finances, etc. I can relate to your post on so many levels. The majority of my stress comes from our financial situation and the fact that I don't have an option (at least I don't feel like I do) to stay home with my daughter. I'm not sure I would stay home full time, but the option is what I want. :)

    Hang in there! I think you are an amazing woman and mother (from what I read on your blog :)) ... your boys are so lucky; don't lose sight of that!

  4. It's so refreshing to have a blog to read that is so open and honest. Not a lot of people say whats on there mind and how they are feeling and I find your blog to be inspiring. I need to vent and be more open.

    I know how you feel with a lot of what you are saying. Thank you for letting me see I'm not the only that feels that way. Hang in there girl and don't feel bad about meds. I've been on them for a while and it helps and that is all that matters.

  5. I was on Paxil my first year of teaching and have been off past 8 years. There are days/times I wonder if it would help me, but Will told me the other day that I was "even" no up and no down an he acted like he actually didn't like it. He says now that I was actually harder to figure out because I was so, flat/level. I was surprised by his assessment. Ebbs and flows, emotions, questions, doubts, etc. It's part of our daily life rhythm. I admire your honesty. I've been contemplating starting a "venting" blog of my own (separate from my family's blog) to get some things off my chest that I couldn't let some people read (mom/dad/students) because there are things hat seem to just lay on me. Your honesty is REFRESHING and you are not alone. If we cross paths at any family event (although that last one was Aunt Hazel's...your grandma?? right?? service) we definitey need to chat in person!