Something I've spent a LOT of time working on in therapy (and I realize I don't write much about it here) is focusing on the positives in my life. It is so easy for me to get downtrodden about what is going wrong in life, what is negative, what isn't going my way, that I end up feeling hopless. In the past 10 months I've done a lot of practicing and reading in Mindful Thinking (Moms... read "Momfulness"... SUCH a good bood) and it has really helped me focus on the things I can control, the things that are positive in a situation, regardless of what it may seem to be.
Sure, my "reality" may look a little like this:
- I lose my temper. A lot.
- I am not 100% happy with my job.
- I yell at my kids. Not as much anymore, but I used to. A lot.
- I don't have a lot of trust in people, regardless of how open book I am. I don't trust many people to have my back 100% of the time.
- My husband and I bicker often, to some it may be uncomfortable.
- I can be opinionated and bossy.
- I hold major grudges.
- I have a lot on my plate... husband, kids, home, work, photography work, grad school...
- I've burnt a few bridges in the past (as have bridges been burned toward me as well)
- My kids drive me so crazy sometimes I wonder why we decided to have a 3rd child.
If I were to focus on all those "negative" aspects of my life I'd be living in a hole. Life would not be bright and feel like there is anything worth living. What I do focus on is this:
- I have more patient days that I do impatient days. I am a work in progress and I can forgive myself for the moments of weakness and anger.
- My job has given me flexibility to be home with my kids when I need to as well as have a "Mommy Day" on Fridays. There is more to life than a job, I'm doing "my job" to the best of my ability so that *I* shine. I know God has a plan for me and right now this is where I am meant to be.
- My kids love me and I love them more than life itsself. They know Mommy makes mistakes just as they do. I focus on the minutes, hours, days that make me smile and laugh and be proud to be their Momma. Those are the memories I want to remember. Those are the moment worth living for.
- Those crazy moment? They are only moments. That 3rd child? We CHOSE to have him/her enter our life and God CHOSE him/her to be a part of our family. He or she is a blessing to our family and we can't imagine life being complete without him/her. . This life is too fleeting to get wrapped up in the chaos too much.
- My husband is my love and partner in this life and we work through everything as a team. Regardless of our disagreeances, we come together as one and love eachother through thick and thin. We make an amazing parenting team and I am so proud of the accomplishments we've made in the past year. Do we have a lot to work on in our marriage still? Hell yeah. And I'm pretty sure we will continue to have things to work on until the day we die.
- Those burnt bridges? They just light the way to the things that are important in life, and cast shadows on the things that need to be let go of.