Thursday, October 13, 2011

inspiring myself.



Something I've spent a LOT of time working on in therapy (and I realize I don't write much about it here) is focusing on the positives in my life.  It is so easy for me to get downtrodden about what is going wrong in life, what is negative, what isn't going my way, that I end up feeling hopless.  In the past 10 months I've done a lot of practicing and reading in Mindful Thinking (Moms... read "Momfulness"... SUCH a good bood) and it has really helped me focus on the things I can control, the things that are positive in a situation, regardless of what it may seem to be.



Sure, my "reality" may look a little like this:
  • I lose my temper.  A lot.
  • I am not 100% happy with my job.
  • I yell at my kids.  Not as much anymore, but I used to. A lot.
  • I don't have a lot of trust in people, regardless of how open book I am.  I don't trust many people to have my back 100% of the time.

  • My husband and I bicker often, to some it may be uncomfortable.

  • I can be opinionated and bossy.
  • I hold major grudges.
  • I have a lot on my plate... husband, kids, home, work, photography work, grad school...
  • I've burnt a few bridges in the past (as have bridges been burned toward me as well)
  • My kids drive me so crazy sometimes I wonder why we decided to have a 3rd child.  


If I were to focus on all those "negative" aspects of my life I'd be living in a hole.  Life would not be bright and feel like there is anything worth living.  What I do focus on is this:
  • I have more patient days that I do impatient days.  I am a work in progress and I can forgive myself for the moments of weakness and anger.
  • My job has given me flexibility to be home with my kids when I need to as well as have a "Mommy Day" on Fridays.  There is more to life than a job, I'm doing "my job" to the best of my ability so that *I* shine.  I know God has a plan for me and right now this is where I am meant to be. 

  • My kids love me and I love them more than life itsself.  They know Mommy makes mistakes just as they do.  I focus on the minutes, hours, days that make me smile and laugh and be proud to be their Momma. Those are the memories I want to remember.  Those are the moment worth living for.

  • Those crazy moment?  They are only moments.  That 3rd child?  We CHOSE to have him/her enter our life and God CHOSE him/her to be a part of our family.  He or she is a blessing to our family and we can't imagine life being complete without him/her. .   This life is too fleeting to get wrapped up in the chaos too much.  

  • My husband is my love and partner in this life and we work through everything as a team.  Regardless of our disagreeances, we come together as one and love eachother through thick and thin.  We make an amazing parenting team and I am so proud of the accomplishments we've made in the past year.  Do we have a lot to work on in our marriage still? Hell yeah.  And I'm pretty sure we will continue to have things to work on until the day we die.
  • Those burnt bridges?  They just light the way to the things that are important in life, and cast shadows on the things that need to be let go of.








6 comments:

  1. Wonderful, amazing post Nicole.... I really love the Bob Marley quote.... speaks to me today! Hugs to you and accept that you are work in progress... no body's perfect... no one likes perfect people anyway. :-)

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  2. Your transparency is refreshing! Nodded my head LOTS while reading!

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  3. This is a really perfect post and pretty much sums up my life. I am not perfect and I don't think I want to be. I used to compare myself to other people and would just end up feeling inadequate. I'm a yeller too and maybe I complain more some other people. But, for me, complaining doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I just need to say "ENOUGH" and then I let it go. Sometimes I do think that I post or talk more about the negative but that isn't intentional. There is WAY more good than bad around here. I just live in it when I'm happy. When I'm not I withdraw to the internet. ANYWAYS. Thanks for making me feel not alone. And not perfect. And just as crazy for having a third child when I can hardly handle the two I already have. But then I sit back and actually watch them. And they are so happy and they have a mom and a dad that absolutely adore them. What else could they possibly need?

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  4. i like your quote... just pinned it. ;)

    and i agree with everything you said. i have always been a really positive person and i think it is one reason why my life is so good. not that my life is better than anyone else's - for sure it is not - but i think i just SEE my life differently because i just have that in my personality. and all that matters is my perception... does that make sense? i am married to a pretty negative person. i think it is just a personality trait we were both born with (and probably why we were attracted to each other?). i am so impressed with you that you are working to change that so you view things differently... i wish i could get him to do the same. i love him the way he is, but i think HE would be happier if he viewed things in a more positive light. :)

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