I wanted to update what happened with our little "episode" last week. All is well... kind of.
I spoke to Porter's teacher when I picked him up from school. I'd emailed her and she met me outside after school. She's pretty.... firm... when it comes to discipline so I was thrilled to get her advice, especially from an outside view AND as someone who spends 7 hours a day with Porter as well.
Her advice was to nonchalantly show the video to another relative, especially one he really looks up to. Embarrass him. So we did.
On our way home I nonchalantly mentioned that grandma had been wanting me to send her some new videos of them and would you believe it, I found my Flip video camera today! Porter must have forgotten about the videos because he was all "Yeah that sounds great!"
I called my mom ahead of time and filled her in. My plan was to get her on iChat, play the videos on my computer so she can hear them (but she wouldn't be able tos ee them). Porter would think we were watching them together with her. It worked PERFECTLY.
The second he heard his voice he started yelling "No... TURN IT OFF! Stop! Delete that!" and he hid behind the chair. I played dumb and said "Oh my gosh! What IS this, Porter? What in the WORLD!" And continued to click on the videos. He ran to the bathroom and slammed the door. Then ran outside. I got off the phone with my mom and went out to talk to him. He was ticked. He refused to talk to me so I told him to go to his room and I'd come up to talk to him there. Ry got home and we went upstairs. He didn't want anything to do with us, was mad and crying. We told him we'd be downstairs whenever he was ready to talk. A few minutes later he came down so we could talk. He kept calling himself stupid, that he said those things because he is stupid. I helped guide him to tell us what he was feeling when he made the videos (angry at us) and really emphasized that he is NOT stupid, but he made a bad choice. We talked about how ugly it sounds when he was saying those things and that we don't want people to think that he is ugly like those words. We want people to know the helpful, silly, smart, sweet Porter, not the Porter who says ugly, mean things when he is angry. He finally calmed down and we discussed punishment- no radio or tv or wii until he could show us he could be responsible for his words and make better choices with them. He was especially upset about his radio and it was a rough couple nights going to bed because he likes to listen to the radio at bedtime.
The "Sexy and I know it" (which Ryan has reminded me that it is in the movie Madagascar!! UGH) song? His teacher suggested I tell him exactly what it means... that it is talking about naked women. I asked him what he thought "sexy" meant and he said he didn't know. When I told him that it means naked women his jaw dropped and he said "WHAT!? GROSS!!!" and covered his mouth in embarrassment. I said "Isn't that kind of embarrassing that you've been singing about THAT??" and he said "YEAH! I can't believe that!" So far we haven't heard it out of his mouth but I did catch him whispering to Hudson one day "Hey Hudson, say "I'm sexy and I know it".... Had to nip that in the bud. UGHH. That boy!!!
Since all this happened I've had a couple good chats with two friends who also have very "difficult" children.... kids in this small spectrum of uber-defiance, strong-willedness and beyond-age intelligence. It has been refreshing to know I'm not alone, that these issues that other parents' jaws drop at are not solely works of my child.... that there are other (alas, very few) parents that know my pain. I've ordered the book "Transforming the Difficult Child" and am so excited to get it and start reading.