Friday, May 2, 2014

How are babies made?

So, the other night we were getting the kids ready for bed and the boys and I were laying in my bed (Well, I was laying there chatting with them, they were bouncing around).  Ry was putting Amelia in bed and Porter says to me "Mom, how are babies made?"

Uhm.  Whaaattt? 

He's 8.  In 2nd grade.  And TALK ABOUT BEING PUT ON THE SPOT!!   

First let me say, I never want to lie to my kids... and Ry and I have been having lots of discussions with Porter lately about lying (porter doing the lying, or accusing Ry and I of lying to him) and we've been really trying to reinforce that we're a family and we aren't going to lie to each other.  From the beginning the boys have known the "technical" terms for boys and girls parts... not pee pee or potty spot or whatever some might call it.  Its always been penis or vagina.   And a few months ago Porter did ask how Amelia came out of my tummy and so I told him "Well, she came out of my vagina."  I know this subject is something I want them to always be able to ask us about so I didn't want to shame it. But HOLY HELL what do you say to that question on the spot!!

I asked him what he meant, and I tried to say "Well, babies are made inside mommies tummies."  he continued... no but I mean HOW are they made?   

OH MY WORD

I tried to slowly get into it... "Well, there's this thing called a sperm and an egg, and when they combine, they make a baby"

Please let that be enough.  Please let that be enough.  

"Noooo, mom... I mean... how does it get made?" 

I asked him where he heard it from. He said Max at school told him... its a bad word... he wanted to write it down for me.  So he ran to his room and got a notebook and wrote "SEX" on it.  

FRICK.  Frick.  WHAT THE HELL DO I SAY TO THIS???

I asked what Max told him, and why they were talking about this.  

P: "Well, the big book of knowledge in the library was talking about how babies were made.  So I asked Max.  And Max told me s-e-x.  His mom told him.  What is that?"

Me: "What did the big book of knowledge say?"

P: "I don't know.... if I would have checked it out of the library as my library book, I'd probably know!"  

HAHAHAH!

So at this point, ryan comes in and he hears the convo and he says "NIC!  He's 8.  The stork brings the babies."  HAHA!  (Porters says... what's a stork?)  

I am pretty sure I failed but I tell him.... "Well, sex is a special kind of hugging that mommy and daddies do."

KILL ME NOW.   

Ryan stifles his laugh.   I'm dying because I don't know what to say but I know the stork isn't the right answer! 

I ask Porter if that answers his question and he says "Yep!"  And I remind him that he can always come and ask mommy and daddy anything he has questions about, and he should talk to us about those things and not his friends, and that he probably shouldn't talk about sex or how babies are made at school because its something that kids should talk about with their moms and dads.  


Holy lord.  HOLY LORD.

Also... I looked up the "Big book of knowledge" on Amazon.  And here is one of the reviews:




and this blogger has the pics!  GAH!!!  http://leonsmom.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/never-say-never/  










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