Around 12:30 or 1am (it's blurry) I get my epidural. The nurse checks me and I'm about 6cm dilated. With my last 2 epidurals I felt nothing of contractions, even when I pushed. This time, I kept feeling pressure. Like, why am I feeling pressure?!?
After my epidural was all set, Ryan came back in and Jaclyn, the photographer was there as well. I felt relieved knowing I had drug relief and Jaclyn had made it before I delivered.
My contractions subsided after about 15 minutes and Ryan went to get something to eat while I relaxed/rested/chatted with Jaclyn.
LeeAnn stopped down to visit around 1:45. Shortly after that, I think around 2, I started feeling a lot more pressure during contractions. The nurse checked me again and I was 7.5cm. She said she would catheter me to see if that helped dilate me the rest of the way and get my bladder out of the way. Everyone left the room and as soon as my bladder was empty I felt a huge amount of pressure. This all freaked me out because I have always felt totally numb.... nothing.... During my last 2 deliveries. (With Porter I pushed for 2.5 hours so I don't remember much of that, but I don't remember feeling this much pressure or pain that's for sure).
The nurse checked me again and sure enough I was 9.5cm. They called the doctor in and Ryan and Jaclyn came back in. It felt like a bit mush of chaos. I was starting to freak out because my sweet nurse took away my epidural button and I was not dealing with the pain too well. I felt like I was going to split apart.
I started to feel a huge urge to push and knew that if I did she would be here as quick as that. I watched the doctor sit on his stool and take his time putting on his hat. I wondered why they weren't rushing faster. Maybe they were but I was too panicked to realize. I don't know.
Everything else was kind of a blur. I remember thinks (or maybe saying) that I couldn't do this. That I needed more drugs. That I was going to die. I remember wanting to just shake myself off the bed and be done. I remember holding someone's hand and gripping hard. I remember my sweet girl entering the world quickly... By the 2nd push they laid her on my chest and there she was. So tiny and perfect and complete.
I remember gasping for air and feeling so relieved that it was over, and so overwhelmed that she was finally here. This little one, she was the one we were waiting for. She was the unexpected. The one we didn't know we were missing but now, now she completes us.
Born 5.24.15 at 2:16am
[photograph by Jaclyn Michele Photography]