Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Be still in the inbetweenness

This moving thing is starting to wear on me.  The stress of being here, and wanting to be there.  Top that off with a crammed timeline- hoping to close ASAP so we have time to paint and get some things done in the new house before we leave for Dallas, trying to pack and also plan for the kids to be here with my sister for the week we are out of town, planning for the movers to come the day after we get home, and then knowing we have another vacation a week later.  I'm feeling 50 shades of anxious and stressed.  

We've had so many hang ups with the mortgage on our new house. Turns out it's easier to get a loan when you don't have money.   The underwriter is being so ridiculously nit picky about things.  They are having all sorts of issues with our LLC and the fact that we just created it this spring even though we've had this business for over 2 years.  We have essentially had to launder our down payment into our personal account because they don't want us using funds that are in our LLC bank account or that can be traced back to it.  Funny, seeing that the LLC account IS MY JOB and everything that is in our personal account comes from it when we write ourselves a paycheck every month.  We are waiting for one last hangup and if the underwriter still isn't happy with our documentation we will likely switch to another lender and start the process over.  (However, we have an AMAZING loan person who is fighting tooth and nail for us, and had already given the 2nd bank the rundown of our story and they said they could likely close us by the end of the month since we have everything done already) 

So I'm trying to be patient.  I'm trying to be still and trust that there is something to be gained or learned from this process. I'm trying to be happy in the present, even though I'm so checked out of this house already.  I'm ready to go into the next step. I'm ready to settle in and get our lives started in our new home.  I'm ready to not have boxes everywhere, and to not have these trips ahead of us anymore.  I have been trying to spend some quiet time each day and pray and just be present in the here and now.  I know that this is just part of the process and we will be through it soon, but being stuck in the middle of it right now just feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is so far away. I know it isn't.  But it feels that way.  

So anyhow, I've been trying to focus on things that keep me centered here, where we are, regardless of mess or chaos or in betweenness.  




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